As a blogger and a content creator, it’s really hard for me two step back and remind myself why I do what I do. About a month ago, I remember crying to my husband one night, telling him that I felt like I was failing. I felt that it was too hard, it was too much pressure, and that in the end, no one even liked me or my content. I think this is a pretty common feeling, especially when you’re a small blogger like I am.
Seth is such a sweet and supportive husband. He held me and asked me why I do this. I very sulkily told him that I do it because I, normally, love it. I love writing, I’ve been doing it as long as I’ve known my own name. And I love creating and taking beautiful photos for Instagram. It’s a creative process and a creative outlet for me and really, I love doing it.
But is it hard to ignore the numbers? Yes. It’s hard to ignore the numbers. It’s hard not to place my worth on the amount of likes or number of followers I receive on Instagram. A month ago, I participated in a giveaway on Instagram that boosted my following. It was great. For about a day. And then I began losing followers. That’s pretty normal after a giveaway, to lose a few followers. But over the last four weeks, I’ve lost about 100 followers a week and it has been STRESSFUL. Relatively, to someone who has millions of followers, a few hundred followers lost in a day is neither a big deal or that much.
Now, I know that the reason I’ve lost followers has nothing to do with the quality of content that I’ve put out this past month. I know that those people followed me just because they wanted to win something, and when they didn’t win, they naturally chose to unfollow me.(Have I learned a lesson here? Hopefully, haha)
Last night, Seth was helping me take a picture for a campaign and I had a meltdown. I had him take hundreds of photos and I wasn’t happy with a single one. I almost cried, sitting on the floor of our guest room, surrounded by flowers and fairy lights and feeling inadequate. Seth is an angel and was so patient with me until we found something that I felt good about. But man it took a long time.
I think that one of the hardest parts of blogging and being an influencer, is that it is really hard to get caught up in the numbers. It’s discouraging. Watching people grow faster than you, or watching people with content not as good as yours, but somehow with more followers.
But that’s how it is for any career. Success isn’t a straight line. Instagram isn’t all about the numbers. I am not always good at it, but I try to ignore the numbers and just focus on what I love about Instagram. And that’s creating. I create content for me, because it makes me happy.