Raising a child is no easy task, and it feels like it’s getting increasingly more difficult. With more distractions put into our children’s way every day, it can be easy to feel like your control over them and the things they consume is slipping away. Being a parent now is so different than it was even just a few decades ago, and so your parenting is constantly evolving. It’s all too easy, in the sake of protecting your child, to smother them, which only hinders their development and growth. So, how do you keep your child safe, while also encouraging them to be emotionally sensitive and well developed?
It’s a balancing act
As with all other aspects of parenting, it’s a balancing act. You’ll have to find that perfect balance for your family, through trial and error. They should have consequences for breaking rules, but you need to take a moment to find out why they are misbehaving. It’s almost never out of a desire to be disobedient. Are they feeling neglected? Smothered? Misunderstood? They may not know, but by being observant, you can begin to get some idea for the emotions within that triggered their unwanted behavior. Again, your child should have consequences for breaking the rules, such as sneaking out or picking a fight with a sibling. But there are other reasons behind this, and by not acknowledging that, you further smother them and make it harder for them to develop emotionally.
Recognize their negative emotions
Your child is going to feel negative emotions, and that is a good thing. They are going to cry and feel sad and be angry, and you need to recognize those emotions with them. These emotions are an opportunity for you to connect with them, and help them grow and heal. Children have a hard time controlling their emotions, so you would never want to punish them for simply feeling. Have empathy with them, and communicate your understanding for how they’re feeling. This will help them to understand why they feel the way they do. Telling them you understand their feelings, helps them to become more emotionally aware. This is even more important when it comes to boys. Society tells boys not to cry, and that expressing basically any emotion other than happiness or anger is bad. So when your boys cry, recognize it and tell them it is okay, and it’s a healthy expression of their emotions.
Help them identify the emotions they’re feeling
One of the reasons that negative emotions can feel so overwhelming to a child is that they don’t fully understand how they feel or why they feel it. As a parent, you can help them identify what they’re feeling, which will help them in the future categorize why they are reacting that way and they won’t feel overwhelmed. Say things such as “It sounds like you’re really hurt”, or “I can sense that you’re upset”. Don’t pass judgement on these emotions.
It’s okay to set limitations
If, in anger or frustration, your child threw something or hit someone, you can let them know that it’s not an appropriate way to respond. Help them find new ways to display their emotions. The important thing here is to remind them that while all emotions are acceptable, not all behaviors and actions are. Ask them how they can express their feelings without the negative action.
Don’t underestimate your child
Your child has the potential for so much greatness, and is so much smarter than you realize. They have the ability to develop into a fully functional and emotionally intelligent adult, with a strong ability to problem solve. They need someone that is there to listen to them, comfort them, and redirect when needed. Challenge them to grow and learn and become better.
Being a parent is a never ending, hands on job. It can be isolating and difficult but the children you are raising will benefit so much from your own emotional sensitivity, and learn from you.