I can’t tell you how many times I’ve scrolled through my Facebook, and seen someone ask this question. “Does your child or husband come first?” The answers are always really mixed. And for good reason. Because you can’t really say who’s more important to you. Do you say your husband, the person you specifically chose to spend the rest of your life with? The man you vowed to have and to hold for the rest of your life? Or do you say your child, the being the you chose to bring into this world?
This is a controversial topic, I know that. Last time I posted something controversial like this, I received a bit of backlash. Again, I knew that before I wrote the post. But I’m willing to have a few people disagree with me and tell me that I’m wrong, in order to put my opinion on the matter out there.
My opinion? It’s not cut and dry. Your husband doesn’t necessarily come first, and your children don’t necessarily come first. I think the situation in which you’re asking yourself this question is what decides who comes first.
You made the decision to bring your child into the world, and until they are an adult and can take care of themselves, they are your sole responsibility. So, with this in mind, wouldn’t they come first? In situations where you’re referencing their safety and well being, yes. For example, if your spouse was abusive to your children, it would be your responsibility to put your child first and try to keep them safe. That’s an extreme example, but you see what I’m saying. You’re responsible for your child’s safety, so that should be one of the most important things in your life.
But let’s talk about your relationship with your husband for a second. If your relationship with your husband suffers, then the whole household suffers. There’s negativity, there’s hurt feelings, and no matter how young your child is, they feel that energy and it affects them. So you shouldn’t let your relationship with your husband suffer and come secondary. Happy spouse, happy house.
Model a healthy relationship for your children. Show them that you and your husband take care of each other. Let your child play by themselves nearby while you sit and talk about your day together. Go on date nights, because it’s okay to hire a babysitter to watch them so you can nurture your relationship.
Personally, I think that as long as your child is taken care of, healthy, and happy, that your relationship with your spouse comes first. This doesn’t mean neglecting your child, but in the same sense, you shouldn’t neglect your husband either.
If the tables were turned, and your husband was at home with your children, and you came home and he only focused on the child instead of paying any attention to you, wouldn’t you be hurt?
Feel free to disagree with me. Every household is different, but I personally think that my relationship with my husband comes first(but this does not mean that I neglect my son, whom I adore and love with my whole heart) because if we don’t model what a healthy relationship is like, where will my children learn it?